Do you remember what they used to say about husbands who were controlled by their wives? “We know who wears the pants in that family!” Such a comment was highly derogatory and brought shame to the husband and wife who were guilty of it.
“Guilty”? Both husband and wife? Yes. The wife is guilty of usurping authority and the husband is guilty of letting her.
God ordained in the scriptures that husbands were to lead the family. The wife is to obey him, reverence him, and treat him as she would treat God (1 Cor. 11:3, 14:34, Eph. 5:24, 33, Col. 3:18, 1 Tim. 2:11-12, Tit. 2:5, 1 Pt. 3:1). Are these directives to be taken lightly, or are they the commandments of the Lord, to be responded to with the utmost gravity? (1 Cor. 14:37). They are commandments of the Lord. Must we obey these then to be saved? No, we must obey them to be blessed.
Certainly I have seen “Christian” women appearing to obey these commandments, but rarely have I seen them obey, for example, when they don’t want to. They give in grudgingly, with a set jaw and a bitter heart, delivering the wicked emotional backlash she thinks he deserves for his brazen attempt to control her. Is that what it is, wife? Is he trying to oppress you and walk all over your “feelings”? No, he’s not.
He’s trying to be the man God made him.
But you won’t let him.
And that’s why marrying you has become a mistake. And to the steadfast man, instead of running away, it’s a mistake he learns to bear with.
Some husbands aren’t so overtly controlled. Some are expertly manipulated with tears, arguments, withholding of sex, etc., intended to steer the man clear of a decision he has made. The woman in this case still leads even though the man may believe he’s the king of his castle. Discerning eyes can see that she’s the queen and he’s the pawn. She’s not loud or demanding. She doesn’t make him feel brow-beaten or degraded. But the husband has emotions too, and she uses them to her advantage.
So who obeys the commandments of the Lord? The phrase “wearing the pants” is a Bible-based phrase. It was the men who wore breeches (pants) in readiness for war, running, or hard work. God told Job to put his pants on (“gird up your loins”), like a man (Job 38:3). Did He ever say such a thing to a woman? Never. The reason men wore pants and prepared for war was to protect that which they held most precious – their wives and children.
But what’s precious about most wives today? They talk like men, dress like men, groom themselves like men, and posture like men. To God, this is not only unpleasing, but also abominable (Deut. 22:5. 1 Tim. 2:9, 1 Pt. 3:2-4).
What happened to your pants, husband? Did you lose them to your wife? Are you behaving more like a woman than a man in your marriage, cowed by her opinions, manipulated by her words, and intimidated by her emotions?
My husband and I have attended many weddings over the years. When the bridal party makes speeches at the wedding reception, a comment is invariably made on this popular subject. Married men joke about how their wives rule them. They reference sleeping on the couch, doing some sort of penance, asking her permission for things, or catering to her every request.
Is this a godly representation of Christ’s relationship to the church? (Eph. 5:29-32). Hardly.
Nevertheless, people laugh at such comments as an acknowledgement of an unchangeable fact of life. And the ones who laugh the heartiest tend to be the men who are ruled the severest.
My husband and I have never laughed over such comments. In fact, we’ve heard the jokes so often, we just look at each other in chagrin. Why? Because it is a gross and utter shame to profane that which God holds sacred. It also makes us sad to know that such couples are missing out on blessings from God.
Aren’t young Christian couples taught that God’s blessings only flow upon the obedient? Don’t they know that followers of worldly wisdom are alienating themselves from godly wisdom? It’s almost as if men wanted to lose their pants.
And it’s almost as if women wanted to be men.
To be followers of worldly wisdom is to guarantee an unhappy and dissatisfied marriage. Some of these women claim to be happy, but satisfaction over having achieved control of the relationship is not the same as happiness.
If they were to just read the Word of God with reverence and fear, they might just love Him enough to know what He says. And if they loved Him enough to know what He says, they might just love Him enough to do what He says. And only if they do what He says will they experience the joy and blessings of a happy marriage.
Don't fool yourself, wife. Just because you like pants, it doesn't mean you should wear them. You might just be surprised at how blessed you'll feel when you leave them in your husband's drawer where they belong.